Writing this blog for one of the worst (or best?) reasons to write a blog, which is just to simply write a blog. I'm laying on top of the comforter of my made bed, which is a habit I've just recently picked up and hope sticks around. The habit of making my bed I mean, but also I guess I mean the habit of finding time to simply exist. I'm really enjoying this moment of zero expectations so let's see what thoughts arise.
On paper I believe today probably should have been a bad day, but all in all I'm feeling very relaxed in this moment. It might be because I'm finding something to do with my hands and not simply letting a television do my thinking for me. Although I'm staring at a screen and typing to occupy my time and attention, this still feels mindful. I can feel my body from my toes to my head is unclenched, and I can feel my mind is generally clear compared to normal. Typically it's a big ball of stress, about work, finances, family, what I should do with my life, etc., but in this moment it's nice. I understand this is probably a pretty boring post but frankly the title should've warned you.
Now I'm kind of thinking about what I should do creatively. I used to write, play music, code, DM DnD a little, but I don't particularly feel much like doing any of that these days. At least not in this moment. In this moment blogging feels good. I have a creeping feeling I'm procrastinating doing chores in this moment and that's why this feels so good, but also I've been instructed to journal so hey I'm still doing something I should be doing. Also, what a fine line between neglecting my material life and nurturing my mental health I appear to be walking. Compromise. I'll write a haiku, then I'll go do the dishes:
I feel happy now,
But I also feel the fear.
Live next to them both.